


キラキラ

by blublet



Category: Metal Gear
Genre: Character Study, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, bbkaz is just mentioned its not really in there, come to think of it neither is vkaz theyre both just kinda mentioned, i dont know how to use these damn tags, like kinda lol idk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-04
Updated: 2016-06-04
Packaged: 2018-07-12 04:36:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 573
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7085857
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blublet/pseuds/blublet
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In a lot of ways, Venom was almost enough- and that was the problem.</p>
<p>aka Kaz Reflects And Remembers</p>
            </blockquote>





	キラキラ

**Author's Note:**

> god ok so this is the first fanfic ive postd anywhere since like 2009 so im a little nervous..just some kaz meta i wrote on my phone and its been sitting there for months so i thought "why not" and here we are....obv its unbetad so sorry about that if you see any mistakes please tell me haha....

In a lot of ways, Venom was almost enough- and that was the problem.  
Some days it was too much for Kaz to bear, weighed down by his mangled body and forced to look at the face of the man who let this happen to him, after all he did, after all they went through together. The man who abandoned him. But that wasn't really who its was, was it? Kaz could never truly figure out if that fact made things better or worse.

Most days were hell on earth. Bitter anger rose like bile in Kaz's chest from the moment he awoke to the second he fell asleep, a black fire burning away inside him. He pushed it down, strove for patience and peace of mind, but every time he took a step or went to reach for something the reminder was there, a klaxon blaring through his mind as loud as gunfire or a surgical saw cutting through bone. He stewed in his regrets; things he could have done, things he should have done, things he could never have changed if he tried but still clung to his guilty conscience like sticky night-black tar. Insidious whispers creeping through his mind on their stomachs hissing in his ears. Your fault...you did this...you can't fix it now..was it worth it? On those days he could hardly stand to look at himself, let alone the man who wore Snake's face. His glasses served their purpose in forming a barrier. His thoughts were his and his alone.

Some days though, they would stand side by side at the edge of a platform, elbows touching as their arms rested on the railing, and Kaz could forget. The setting sun would paint the glittering ocean in shades of gold and pink and the gulls would cry out over the mechanical sounds of construction, and he wouldn't care what year it was because this was where he was meant to be, no matter what.  
Some afternoons it would rain and he could leave the doors and windows to his office open and Snake could sit with him in companionable silence, cigar smoke floating through the air like moth's wings, winding serpentine around the muted babble of the radio and the tap of water droplets hitting metal. On nights like those they could go back to his room, and with the rain and the sea hanging on the edges of his consciousness Kaz could forget.   
He could imagine they were on a beach lined with rainforest, an arm draped over his waist to keep off the lingering chill and mosquito netting draped over them both like the canopy of the jungle, a transparent wall keeping the world at bay.   
He could dream of days lounging in the shade under sun dappled palm leaves with Snake, the gritty feel of hot sand under his feet and hands and back and in his hair. He could remember the tackiness of dried saltwater on his skin in the heat of the day and the warmth of another person that replaced it in the cool of the night. He could recall feeling lighter than air, buoyed up by a sense of rightness like he had champagne bubbles in his heart.  
And in the morning, with rays of clean bright light streaming down on him, Kaz could turn his broken, clouded eyes heavenwards and for a fleeting moment feel whole again.


End file.
